There is no X in Espresso

I get a kick out of people saying funny things. Especially when they believe they are right. I’m not a snob. I’d actually call myself forgiving and patient. I rarely make fun of people, and I feel terrible for weeks if I’ve made someone feel bad. But the true imp in me giggles privately when I meet a know-it-all that makes mistakes.

As a former Coffee Barista, one of the most irritating questions I encountered was, “can I get a French Vanilla Cappuccino?” My skin would crawl. I’d do anything to keep from having the customer hear my sigh. I knew exactly what they wanted -- a sweet hot drink that tasted like a cross between vanilla ice cream, hot chocolate and a splash of coffee. I’d take a breath and politely ask the question I really wanted to know, “Are you used to a cappuccino from the machines at a gas station?”

Most of the time, if the customer was honest, the answer was yes. Then I could conclude that this guest might not be able to handle the taste of a real cappuccino, even if there was a shot of vanilla flavoring. And really, what makes a vanilla cappuccino French (nothing, it’s supposed to sound fancy)?

“What’s EX-presso? It’s just really strong coffee, right?”
“Not exactly ma’am, and there’s actually no ‘X’ in the word espresso.”
“You mean EX-presso?”
“No ma’am espresso.”
“Ex-Spresso?”
“ES-Spresso”
“Whatever, can you make a French Vanilla Cappuccino?”
(sign) “Yes, I can make one of those.”

They’d usually want to send it back. Complaining that there was too much froth and that it didn’t taste like French Vanilla Cappuccino.